AN APPLE A DAY

Its been on my mind lately but ive tried to focus on other things but the day has arrived for me to face this topic.. i mean how could i avoid it any longer?

1. A friend was in hospital for like 3 months

2. My colleagues' 36 year old pal collapsed at work..turns out he had a stroke

3. Then the Patricia Show is talking about diabetes...

If those are not signs..i don't know what is...

im talking about good health or the absence of...i did a lot of health reporting..suffice it to say i tried my best to practice what i preached in those stories but sometimes sacrificing that kuku choma for salads was not so easy..but the above incidences have made me wake up and really really check myself..and my loved ones health..

I mean 36 years with a stroke? That only happened in America i thought but nope...ni mkenya...dark skin and all...what is worse...he has been married a short time...just think of his wife..battling with physiotherapy and stroke meds at that age...this is the time for kids and fun...not hospitals and labs..

But what really shook me was my pal whose been in hosi for like 3 months...first time we all saw him we were shell shocked...remember the line 'he was now a shadow of his former self'? scrap that! he was a skeleton of his former self...literally! we could not recognize him...in a span of 3 months he had transformed from robust man to a skeleton of his former self...his wife was trying to be strong but after seeing your husband suffer for that long...u can only hold up for so long...she cried a lot...we did our best to console her but at times i wondered...how is telling her its going to be ok going to help? Actually it did but at that time it seemed so hopeless..thank God for faith..when we were loosing hope...someone reminded us to keep praying for him...the guy is now out of hospital and is on his way to recovery...God does answer prayer!

But the whole situation made me think...what if it happened to me? What if i was that wife and my husband was in that bed? how would i have fared? how prepared am i for such eventualities?

You see as young people...with this 'my whole life is ahead of me' tag that we take with us everywhere we go..having someone so young in a hospital bed literally spins us out of control..after all...we are meant to be having 'our whole lives ahead of us'...not dealing with sicknesses that our grandma's are also contending with.

Lessons:

1. Be prepared for anything: get ur act together..if u have insurance..find out what does that really cover? Whats our savings like? Can i survive if in the unlikely event my husband dies or my mum or dad leave suddenly? are we saving up for such eventualities? the same applies to the single's as well.

2. Watch your health: what are u eating? are u heading down the road of diabetes and strokes?

3. Go for check ups: ladies and gents: cervical cancer, fibroids and prostate cancer can be prevented if its detected early..same for most cancers and heart conditions..

4.True friends and family stick with you no matter the season...you learn your true friends in times of adversity...not plenty.

5. Try to avoid stress...ur health is too important.

As the dettol advert says: "Good health is in your hands". (metaphorically).

WOMEN IN LEADERSHIP

Sometime back a friend of mine pointed out that one of Kenya's blue chip corporate entities does not have a female in its Board of Directors. I thought about this again when they started this women in leadership debate in Kenya a week or so ago.

For starters, in a country where the population of women is higher than that of men; it is just silly to argue that there aren't enough women to take up posts. Also, while the same constitution calls for free and fair elections hence arguing that everyone who wants a post should vie for it,kenyans please, open the can and smell the coffee...this is still a patriarchal society...and in a society where men rule...there is no way that they will prepare a level playing field for women to actively campaign and vie for posts. Should i go into the names that our current women in parliament have been called in that law-making house to belabor the point? Or the way they are treated?
And before you go into that rant of "anyone getting into politics needs to have nerves of steel" speech, think about it...what nerves of steel did some of our current male politicians have to enter into parliament? For most of them, they were men first...the rest followed.

Back to the blue chip firm with no women in their BOD. As we discussed the sheer shame of it all, one of my gals pointed out that its never going to be easy to find a woman in a BOD of such a firm...and its simply because she has another role to play at home..wife, mother. While the man can stay at work till midnight making his way up to the big boardroom, the woman has to think about dinner, homework and the uniforms the kids will wear the next day...not the guy...doing the graveyard shift will earn him a pat in the back...
Remember the patriarchal society i mentioned earlier? which dude is going to sit home till midnight waiting for his wife whose working and trying to make it to the BOD? No, honestly...hands up? I thought so. A lot of women sit on their potential to be madam president because of a dude whose ego could not allow him to support his wife. Borrow a leaf from Obama guys..for the longest time its Michelle who brought home the bacon...he never died because of it. I wish sometimes that guys could walk a mile in our shoes...maybe be women for a day...

I know i keep getting back to this point...i know its 2011 but its still happening...the partiarchal society thing...parents putting more emphasis on their sons education and future than their daughters..FGM..early marriages...etc. Even for those girls who do get an education..try selling the idea of wanting to be a politician or a manager..try even telling them u want to be an entrepreneur...what did dad and mom say?

For me its not so much the numbers..its just that women do not have an equal chance to do it...women leaders are there..in plenty..i remember them in SONU during the campus years..you see them in civil society and parliament...some are even in high school...give them a chance to blossom; and anyway...we have had men leading this country for 40+ years...what change has come to Kenya? Just think about how efficiently your mum runs the home...always on top of everything...imagine translating that (with the necessary added experience) to our fondly called "National Cake"?

I rest my case.

THE BOY CHILD

I think that organization thats fighting for the rights of the boy-child has something going there. Initially id thought, oh no! another briefcase ngo fleecing on unsuspecting donors funding but after some of the things ive witnessed in my short life im thinking...yes, we've concentrated so much on the girl-child that we forgot about the boys...and because of that, we now have a crop of men who really have no clue what being a man is all about. Ask T.D Jakes...no, go out and buy his book "he-motions" and ull get an idea about what im saying. Im thinking about the "fanya hesabu" ad by jimmy gathu and his message on mpango wa kando...its that thing about not taking up responsibility...surely...life cannot be about partying all the time with different women...and no, disrespecting your wife or girlfriend by using all forms of abuse does not cut it either...which makes me ask this question? where did men learn this behaviour? who taught them its ok to be this kind of person? A shrink will tell you its something from your childhood...could it be? Ive heard this and i think theres a point here: how u grow up..a happy home..a happy child, an abusive home..an abusive child...a child learns what he sees. Although that may not apply to everyone, there those whove come out of the negative and built very positive lives despite their experiences..oprah for example. So if its not really about childhood, what is it? insecurity...lack of knowledge? Whatever the case, point is, its time some men started unlearning some behaviours. Its not just for their own good but for the good of society. Social ethics 101: the man is the head of the family...the family is the basic unit of society...imagine with me a man who has no values or who does not take up his responsibility as the head of the home...multiply that with 1000 family units...the end result? Now picture it the other way...man who knows his role and takes up his responsibilities... yap..im for boy-child rights...maybe we can get it right this way. maybe.

ABORETUM

So this week the office took us for a retreat cum teambuilding to the Aboretum...this place is kinda nolstalgic for me coz i was at State House Primary School which is very close to the forest. in fact, we used to do our games in the kaopen field in the forest...primary life for me was a blast..no wonder i get goosebumps being here..but i digress.

As some of you may know...these days aboretum is a prayer centre...from when we got to the ka main field area you hear shouts...people fervent in prayer...one of my workmates then volunteered what many of us were thinking but were too scared to admit out loud: "mapharisiya". In english, thats the pharisees, you know those religious groups in Jesus time who thought themselves to be so holy and righteous but Christ called them vipers..yah them. Now to say that of everyone who comes to the aboretum to pray would be a great misjudgement as we do not really know who they are when they are behind closed doors and anyway, someone would argue they are in the privacy of the forest so no harm to other kenyans going about their businesses in the city.

But prayer styles aside,there was one guy who caught my attention. He was a young man in jeans and a t-shirt. He picked the furthest corner of the area and began pacing back and forth holding his bible and praying. He was not shouting, it was a conversation, just something like, "ok..its how with this story God? What the deal with that Lord?"

It just made me think..wow..a young man...praying...with that intensity...and i just thought to myself..when was the last time i prayed? as in prayed..not that quick one that comes out my mouth when my daughter escapes a big fall or injury..or that one when ive just ponead..or when i really need something to happen...

Then i thought about the youth...if we had more young people praying..how different would our lives and value systems be?

Im a big Madea fan and theres a play i think you should go and look out for its called "Madea's Big Happy Family" and in it she says that theres something wrong with kids born after the 80s, they think that they need to be given things and not work for them. Nothing comes easy, you need to work on it. Do not be tricked by the blings, cars and rap videos. Work." And to add to those powerful lines, seek first the kingdom of God and these things shall be added to you.

Pray.

JIJUE..FOR THE CHILDREN

It is what makes a difference between a terminal illness or an infection free life for your baby, yet, making that trip to the ante-natal clinic to do that all important test is still shunned by many Kenyan women and their men. Reason: taking the test means knowing your HIV status and if you’re found to be positive, well, you believe that it is all downhill from there.
It seems so 1990s to be talking about ‘stigma’ and the fear that ‘your life has come to an end’ when one finds out that they are HIV positive in 2011, especially when one looks at all the advances in medicine and the numerous campaigns to get people to go get tested, but the truth is: stigma is still stopping people form knowing their HIV status.
As a journalist who reports on HIV and AIDs, the main question that is posed to me by HIV+ persons is: “And what will my neighbors think when they see me on TV talking about my status? They will stop talking to me! I do not want to be isolated!”
Ask most Kenyans and they will tell you that all these campaigns about getting tested are well worth it, some will have even braved the counseling session of testing for HIV and even know their status but announce it at the rooftops? Never! They will prefer to get their daily dosage of ARV and do the clinic trips but in uttermost privacy, why? The Kenyan society is not yet ready to do away with stigma.
Now going with the above sentiments, add a baby, an innocent human being whose only fault was to be conceived by two adults who either never talked about using protection during sex or who knowingly knew their status and are on a revenge mission to spread it to as many people as possible or in the most likely case of a married couple, a spouse who has been unfaithful…the list is endless. You have spelled doom for that child and it could have been avoided if you just took the test.
So you are pregnant, you are frightened to death about finding out that you may be HIV positive, how will you handle it, what will they think of you in the office or at home? Can you handle the stares and backbiting? No! But think about it, you and your child HIV positive: going through the ARV lifestyle of timed drug intakes, a healthy nutrition diet and of course the stigma. And you never know, that child may grow up to finally give us the cure for HIV that we have been searching for years in vain and in this African setup, that child may be the one who will look after you when you become too frail.
Now let me talk to those of us who have never gone to take the test. Ok, so you are healthy, but for how long? What will happen to your children? Take a walk to Nyumbani Children’s Home and spend time with those children to get a clue about what it means to be an AIDS orphan. It is something you could have avoided for your children, yet, you are not ready to face the truth. The government and NGOs are spending a good chunk of their budget on HIV infected and affected persons without each of us having to add the burden.
Go get tested, if not for yourself, then for the child you are carrying or those children that you love.

THE WORD LESS

Its everywhere, you see it on the tv, you hear it on the radio, its the most sought after thing...the search for the ideal mate to spend you forever with. I dint really think much about it until i saw this very young couple holding hands in town and it made me think, wah,theres pressure to huk up! For a minute there i asked myself if the pressure was that high when i was back at high school, to huk up that is...hmm...thats debatable seeing as our version of huking up is somewhat different from the huk up we see now.

To ask why would generate another big debate so im going to focus on is: before calling on the radio to ask the presenter to find you a man or woman, or texting 'single' to 6677 (not the real number) or attending the Easy FM singles party or whatever other means i hear people use to huk up these days...what we really need to ask ourselves first is;
1. what do i really want?
2. what does huk up really mean to me?

Now when i was young (teeheehee) no, actually after i cleared Form Four there was i mentorship bible study i was a member of. Simply put, an older christian woman inculcates christian values in the younger woman's life in the hope that they will raise a generation of young people with the kind of values that will see them succeed in life, marriage and work under the umbrella of christianity. One of the things we were once told was to write a list of the kind of man we would want to marry...no matter how silly it sounded just put it down in the list. I have to admit that at 18 years ur world view is a bit warped and the list may have been a bit unrealistic but several years down the line, some of them remained and held true...id say the experiences i went through after writing the list made me rewrite my expectations of my future husband,nonetheless im glad i wrote the list because it was my compass in finding exactly what direction i wanted to go with in choosing the man that i married. The point of that whole exercise was direction and discovery.

Many of us ladies do not really know what they want or what they SHOULD want in a man...the same goes for some guys although going by what i have seen, the woman of Proverbs 31 pretty much sums up the guys wish list. I think women should also know what they want...and im guessing if i search the bible ill find the woman's wishlist too! However, you cant really know what you want in someone else if you really dont know what ur about first. Its very easy to say: "he should be tall, dark and handsome" just coz thats what everyone says a good man should be about.

I watched a tyler perry movie jana which was focussing on this issue. There was the woman who had low self-esteem that she did not think she deserved a good man even if he was right there in her face (and he was!),then there was the woman who just wanted the world to see she was not alone so any man would do, including the abusive type and thats what she got,then there was the girl who because she had never felt love from her mother fell for the first guy who told her she was all that...im guessing some of us are these women..perhaps at different levels..maybe theres more to the list..

Theres got to be a line for all of us...marriage is not something to be taken lightly..neither is dating for that matter...no pressure should make you sink below what you are really worth..but first do you really know ur worth? And men, do you know that when you love a woman and respect her, she submits to you? Its all about bowing down to the right thing, no point giving your all to someone who is not worth it...

Most important, you get ur true compass on who you are by going to the One who created you..just a thot..or three!

WASH N SET

When NTV launched that show i was like.."eeeww! like anyone would be interested to know what happens in a salon!" I was wrong..its amazing how a simple visit to the salon can shape one's outlook on life and im not talking about those nice salons in the suburbs..im talking that mabati one near your estate..ok..its maybe not that one..the one in the shopping centre..either way its a kasmall establishment!
So i thot about this when i went to the kasalon next to my kaflat...do you ever notice how good the hair of the hairdressers are? we all know thats a sales gimmic..anyway,jana i was at the salon and one of the hairdressers gets a call and her colleagues start chiding her..making those gestures of "its the boyfriend calling"..the usual silly stuff people do..the blushing hairdresser rans out of the salon to pick her call in private.
and the minute she's out,her colleagues back at the salon begin talking behind her back! and its not the good stuff..its actually scathing! "ooh does she know what a looser that man is...oooh i wish she could get a man like mine..ooh ooh oooh (as bonny khalwale would say)
minutes later when she returns its back to pleasantries and words of encouragement..im like gawsh! backstabbing has never been so smooth..wacha velvet!
It took me back to a day last year when i was in a different salon in the neighbourhood and these two hair dressers went all out! it was pure soap opera! I cant really remember how it started but it had something to do with one saying the other was dirty..how that changed into their bedroom habits is still a mystery to me..the two women were causing a scene and u know in nairobi with all the idle people around how fast a crowd can gather...instead of the crowd being a signal that they should shut up about their sex lives..it fueled the feud!I just wanted the ground to open and swallow me up on their behalf...mind u my hair had been left halfway done so they could get into the quarrel!
Eventually another hairdresser came to finish my hair and she was telling me how the two keep going at it every now and then and how she was considering firing them coz they were bad for business...bad for business..i was not even concerned about their cvs, its how they could walk in the streets without hiding their faces with everyone knowing what they had gotten up to!
It just made me think again about women..sometimes its true what they say...we are our own worst enemies...who is to know the guys these women were fighting about were in another part of the city getting it on with some other woman? and if my hairdressers from jana know that the guy their colleague is dating is bad news..why not go and tell her instead of feigning happiness for her? is it that we like to see other women fail? do we get a kick out of seeing the other woman fall to pieces? I think that before we go at the other woman's throat about the guy, we should first ask ourselves about the man and then about our own character..what would make us think that we deserve less than what we were created for?
It is this attitude that we need to change as women if we are to truly get the respect we deserve..if you want others to love u they say, u have to love urself...a deep appreciation of urself..who you are...warts and all..because when you appreciate you..you know what you deserve and no one can make you settle for less..no matter the pressure! And remember ladies, God created us and despite what everyone else may think of you..God don't make no junk!