SHADED VIEWS

My mum is a big character. She comes in all shapes and sizes...most of the time she's complaining about something but when it comes to bringing it down and knocking some sense into someones life...she is always dead on!
This is a belated mothers day wish to my mum...she has her negative sides but lately I have seen a lot of wisdom in the stuff she is saying. The latest is how i should be the boss of my house. (thats another story). But yesterday, I was at her home and just like mum does, she had gone all out with the chapatis, pilau, stew and fruit platter. As it is custom on a sunday afternoon, there were visitors and i had to cook a lot of tea which coz of my teabag ways was quite the challenge since I was having problems measuring the number of cups of milk, (since she gets her milk delivered to her straight from the cow), water and amount of tealeaves to make the tea.
It was at this time that more visitors came, it was a lady and her two kids. Mum came into the kitchen and asked me to warm the food for them. Now warming food is not a problem, warming food without the help of a microwave is. My mums microwave had died on the Friday so here i was trying my best to use the science i used to use as a child (before microwaves came to kenya) to warm this food, nevertheless i succeeded. Mum came into the kitchen and said she would serve the food and leave me to continue with the tea. As she was serving, I noticed that she had put a mountain of servings on each plate, I did not mind it for the mum but for the kids, i thought she had placed too high hopes on them finishing even  a quarter of what she served so naturally i pointed it out.
The next thing i know, my mum has pulled me aside and talking to me softly, she says "stop shouting, the food is enough, they can eat it." At this point im of "huh". So she goes on to explain about how the family is not so well off, the kids have food to eat but its not enough so they are often hungry. "when you see me doing this Mueni, its because I know they might not even have dinner tonight," mum said.
That just got me of at another level! I had never in my wildest dreams ever thought of that possibility. You see, where my mum lives is relatively for well off people so naturally i assume that her neighbors are all well to do people. I was like heeeeeh!
Then i asked myself, are there such people in my neighborhood? People that need help but are doing so much to hide the fact because of where they live or a reputation they are afraid to loose? Then i thought, can i live up to be like mum, always helping people with whatever she can? Doing what she can to easen a burden that she sees around her? have insight into peoples troubles?
Lesson learnt.

MAZE

I’m driving down this road… I know where I need to get to but its feels like am in a maze… you know hose fun mazes you’d do as a kid and how much fun you’d have going round in circles just to find a dead end and having to retrace your steps so you end up back at square one…

Mine is a different kind of maze...infact when I think of it, I remember the game snakes and ladders. You can see the end of the game, where you need to get to but there’s the snakes and the ladders.

The ladders are what help you get there faster...they are there to boost you up...give you a little hand when you’re drowning. I have seen ladders in the shape of friends and loved ones who have sent me a thoughtful sms or email…you know, the kind that just speak to you when you are at your weakest point. I have seen ladders of all shapes and sizes and some have come from the most unexpected of places... it’s like when you’re  wondering who you are to think you can get that job and the guy who brings lunch to the office is telling me in the lift to not lose hope, the faith that enabled me see the advertisement and apply for the job is the same faith that will enable you to get that job…just keep praying. I’m talking about people coming from nowhere and asking you about your talents…random encounters that provide a link to something bigger. I’m talking about opening your bible and reading Psalms 91 when you are thinking “nobody can get me out of this darkness…I’m so screwed.”

Then I’m looking at the snakes…you know those people and things that are there to stop you from getting home. You know that little voice in your head that’s telling you, “you can’t make it, who do you think you are to think you can get that promotion, you suck, you make mistakes and that’s how you will always be”…its that thing that brings you to your knees and completely breaks you down so you find it hard to get up and keep moving…that thing that makes you shift focus so instead of moving forward your always doing two steps back..

I have learnt that in the game of life...there’s gonna be snakes and there’s gonna be ladders… it’s how you choose to deal with the hand that your dealt with…good and evil are at work in our world and just like in the movies..evil is working to ensure that good does not triumph…but if you trust in God, it does not matter how long you’re in the maze...you’ll make it out and get your prize.

Imagine God is the game-master, He knows every aspect of the maze…He can see that when you take the right, you will meet the snake and the right will lead you towards the ladder. Challenges as I have come to learn are here to grow our faith…we would all like to have it easy and sometimes ask God to just lead us in the path of the maze with the least resistance and the fastest means to get to the prize…and it is not wrong to ask…but how would you learn to face the snakes in the next level of the game? If God is the game-master, it means He sees and knows how the game works, and if He allows you to meet a snake, it’s because He is shaping something in your life…building a character that will be useful in the next level of the game.

The point is, at the end of it all, He intends for each of us to win the game and get our prize. This game requires some crazy kind of faith…the kind that believes in the end even though he/she cannot see it or how to get to it. It’s the kind that says … “I don’t know where this is going…but I trust the Game-master to get me there eventually.”

So come on…tell the snakes “Game on!” and trust the Game-master to walk you through it every step of the way.

MATEMBEZI KENYA

So my job sometimes has me travelling a bit...this particular mission saw me going to homabay and kipkelion...im not particularly a big fan of road trips (esp long ones) but push came to shove and there was no way i was getting out of this particular situation so off i went..

on the plus side...we used the narok road which is shweeeeeeee...so pass thru masaaini, kaleoland, kwa wakisii and finally kwa ancestors of obama....aside from the winding hilly roads of kisii, the barabara like i said is ...shweeeeeeeee...until u reach the outskirts of homabay town...do you know the meaning of barabara imeisha? iliisha! right as you get to the outskirts of the town...so im thinking...hmmm...in other towns its the roads in the towns that are good and the ones outside the town that are well, not roads really. On the plus side the fish was great!! fressss!

haya, twende kipkelion...tunarudi vizuri hadi kericho..theres a junction somewhere there with a road heading to kisumu...tunaingia huko...ile part hatukuambiwa ni china wu yi wamekuwa wakifanya construction on a strech of road there...barabara nayo? terrible! and apparently its a shortcut, most of the buses and mololines use that route..wah!

then we finally get to kipkelion...we are here to see a boy named amos...he was kind enough to inform us that he'd gotten another scholarship and so we needed to pick up all the stuff we had bought for him. anaishi place inaitwa 'fort tenan'. to get to fort tenan, u first need to go to muhoroni then branch into kipkelion...wacha tuanze kuuliza wakenya hiyo place ni wapi

"haiitwi fort tenan...ni fatena"...and i think they got it all wrong when they said kaoz "noovaa" means we are not even close to the destination..."fatena ni hapa tu" tulishindwa tukiambiwa...that was 3 hrs ago!

tulifika fatena...pahali masign board ziko hakuna barabara...wah! thankfully we needed not get into the town...just to amos' home. network nayo? coming and going. half an hour later tunaongea na grandpa...hajui kiswahili sana...just kinandi...so cant help us much...headteacher comes to the rescue...we are in business! so where is this amos' home? "u see that hut up there? its over there", the headteacher tells us.

up there is on top of a hill...ok. so now we are hiking up a hill...niko na open shoes...wah! tukikaribia...watu wanatoroka from all directions...ok, wild animal maybe? whats goiing on? and who will save us?

kinandi inakorogwa between headie and grandpa...headie tells us this is the home but grandpa does not want us to come in..he points us to sit on some stones a few meters away...weird...strange even. me im just like, lets get this over with. wheres amos? oh, hes somewhere hearding the cattle...someone is sent to get him. we are told to wait...as i sit i get this whiff of a very strong smell...im thinking to myself maybe ni shags smell...u know the cowshed, fertilizer in the shamba etc smell?

i want to ask but im not sure if it will be taken kindly...ninanyamaza. finally the cats let out of the bag...headie tells us, the villagers thought u were from the DC's office, thats why they ran away? oooh! ok, why would they think that? "coz the grandpa here brews an illegal brew and any authorities are big trouble for him". eureka! thats the smell ive been whiffing! its a changaa den...wah! poor amos, what a way to grow up! we assure him we are not interested in the changaa, just the boy.

amos shows up 20 minutes later and we get our stuff and head out...but before leaving a few guys want us to buy them a drink (and i mean that changaa brewing at the moment). we politely decline, who wants to be responsible for five guys going blind afta drinking that stuff?

as we head out, im thinking about amos, how does he grow up in such a place and manage 370 marks in kcpe? the education is so bad, theres no stima, he's an orphan and his grandpa is brewing some strange booz kwa nyumba. its afta such scenes that i begin to understand why ministry of education would give such boys a chance at national schools...if u can manage such marks in such a dysfunctional society...then u have what it takes to make it in life.

we take the rest of that bad stretch of road until londiani (as we enviously look at the china wu yi's at work) then the driver asks if the chinese are doing damage with the women here as they have been doing with the women at thika road? classic 105 had a topic about a man leaving his wife after she gave birth to a chinese baby.

our next stop is nakuru where we meet a girl from the ogiek community...its mind blowing that this girl could escape the traditions and manage a 380 in kcpe. i want to do more reserch on the ogieks, all i know is that they are meant to be either going extinct or very marginalised.

now im tending to my back which can no more take the stress from the journey...but it was quite the eyeopener.

DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES!

I love "Desperate Housewives". Some people will tell me that its an american show that will never apply to a mwananchi but I beg to differ. I have already seen similar personalities in my friends that those women in that show have. They may not be the same personality exactly but there's some things there...

I remember thinking about Linnet and the way she handles her kids...and thinking that some of those mama nightmares of feedings at midnight...never dressing up or putting on make up coz baby will just throw up on her anyway...and i can relate...i think about gabrielle solice and her "shopping, clothes and shoes" personality...in the beginning i thought she was just vain...but on going deeper you find out theres a reason why she hides behind the shoes..

But most recently as I was in my kamapartment block it just occured to me, this is kinda a kenyan version of desparate housewives...i shuddered at the thought that in some weird way, i had become surburban...u know, the kind of person who knows their neighbours (not just the say hi type) and even sits down to drink tea as we talk about "stuff". This is something difficult for me to really come to terms with coz well, i live in an apartment, aren't people not meant to know people in apartments?

So there am I watching my baby run around the kacompound with the other neighbour kids and im so deep in conversation with other mamas and mboches that i think...hmmm...whats happening here?

What is worse, I know whose baby went for immunization, who just gave birth, who is now taking baby to boarding school in class 7, who quit her job...aaah..the list is endless. Now, im not meant to know these things...i like to mind my own business...but when some girl is knocking on my door everyday at the same time to play with aliana and is giving me a back-to-back relay of how her day went "including mama yangu alinipatia chips"...i find im integrating into this murky world...then there the birthdays..."mama aliana, aliana anaitwa kwa birthday ya linda", there's one of those every month...

but this was the icing on the cake, during one of those "taking baby out to play in the compound" things, one mama decides to gossip about another one of our neighbors to me! Wait a minute...huh?! Ok, how did she just read me as the type to be interested in that mambo jambo? I made up some flimsy excuse about my ndengu burning and fled! (ok, ndengu burning? yah, its part of the wife/mama portfolio, brides to be...dont dismiss this part)

so now the denial is over...i know my neighbours..the good, bad and the ugly (like the drunk man who was shouting unprintable words to everyone in the apt block and his wife trying to get him to shut up and go home) and the one with advise on everything (mrs bree vandekamp)...and theres this gabrielle solice who is in some serious denial that she is a mom of 3 kids and keeps going shopping and stuff...they are all here.

On coming to this conclusion, my first thought was to pack up and move...but then i thought...whose to say that the next 'wisteria lane' i move to will not be as crazy? so now i have resigned to my fate...and ask myself..."which desperate housewife are the neighbours saying I am?"

AN APPLE A DAY

Its been on my mind lately but ive tried to focus on other things but the day has arrived for me to face this topic.. i mean how could i avoid it any longer?

1. A friend was in hospital for like 3 months

2. My colleagues' 36 year old pal collapsed at work..turns out he had a stroke

3. Then the Patricia Show is talking about diabetes...

If those are not signs..i don't know what is...

im talking about good health or the absence of...i did a lot of health reporting..suffice it to say i tried my best to practice what i preached in those stories but sometimes sacrificing that kuku choma for salads was not so easy..but the above incidences have made me wake up and really really check myself..and my loved ones health..

I mean 36 years with a stroke? That only happened in America i thought but nope...ni mkenya...dark skin and all...what is worse...he has been married a short time...just think of his wife..battling with physiotherapy and stroke meds at that age...this is the time for kids and fun...not hospitals and labs..

But what really shook me was my pal whose been in hosi for like 3 months...first time we all saw him we were shell shocked...remember the line 'he was now a shadow of his former self'? scrap that! he was a skeleton of his former self...literally! we could not recognize him...in a span of 3 months he had transformed from robust man to a skeleton of his former self...his wife was trying to be strong but after seeing your husband suffer for that long...u can only hold up for so long...she cried a lot...we did our best to console her but at times i wondered...how is telling her its going to be ok going to help? Actually it did but at that time it seemed so hopeless..thank God for faith..when we were loosing hope...someone reminded us to keep praying for him...the guy is now out of hospital and is on his way to recovery...God does answer prayer!

But the whole situation made me think...what if it happened to me? What if i was that wife and my husband was in that bed? how would i have fared? how prepared am i for such eventualities?

You see as young people...with this 'my whole life is ahead of me' tag that we take with us everywhere we go..having someone so young in a hospital bed literally spins us out of control..after all...we are meant to be having 'our whole lives ahead of us'...not dealing with sicknesses that our grandma's are also contending with.

Lessons:

1. Be prepared for anything: get ur act together..if u have insurance..find out what does that really cover? Whats our savings like? Can i survive if in the unlikely event my husband dies or my mum or dad leave suddenly? are we saving up for such eventualities? the same applies to the single's as well.

2. Watch your health: what are u eating? are u heading down the road of diabetes and strokes?

3. Go for check ups: ladies and gents: cervical cancer, fibroids and prostate cancer can be prevented if its detected early..same for most cancers and heart conditions..

4.True friends and family stick with you no matter the season...you learn your true friends in times of adversity...not plenty.

5. Try to avoid stress...ur health is too important.

As the dettol advert says: "Good health is in your hands". (metaphorically).

WOMEN IN LEADERSHIP

Sometime back a friend of mine pointed out that one of Kenya's blue chip corporate entities does not have a female in its Board of Directors. I thought about this again when they started this women in leadership debate in Kenya a week or so ago.

For starters, in a country where the population of women is higher than that of men; it is just silly to argue that there aren't enough women to take up posts. Also, while the same constitution calls for free and fair elections hence arguing that everyone who wants a post should vie for it,kenyans please, open the can and smell the coffee...this is still a patriarchal society...and in a society where men rule...there is no way that they will prepare a level playing field for women to actively campaign and vie for posts. Should i go into the names that our current women in parliament have been called in that law-making house to belabor the point? Or the way they are treated?
And before you go into that rant of "anyone getting into politics needs to have nerves of steel" speech, think about it...what nerves of steel did some of our current male politicians have to enter into parliament? For most of them, they were men first...the rest followed.

Back to the blue chip firm with no women in their BOD. As we discussed the sheer shame of it all, one of my gals pointed out that its never going to be easy to find a woman in a BOD of such a firm...and its simply because she has another role to play at home..wife, mother. While the man can stay at work till midnight making his way up to the big boardroom, the woman has to think about dinner, homework and the uniforms the kids will wear the next day...not the guy...doing the graveyard shift will earn him a pat in the back...
Remember the patriarchal society i mentioned earlier? which dude is going to sit home till midnight waiting for his wife whose working and trying to make it to the BOD? No, honestly...hands up? I thought so. A lot of women sit on their potential to be madam president because of a dude whose ego could not allow him to support his wife. Borrow a leaf from Obama guys..for the longest time its Michelle who brought home the bacon...he never died because of it. I wish sometimes that guys could walk a mile in our shoes...maybe be women for a day...

I know i keep getting back to this point...i know its 2011 but its still happening...the partiarchal society thing...parents putting more emphasis on their sons education and future than their daughters..FGM..early marriages...etc. Even for those girls who do get an education..try selling the idea of wanting to be a politician or a manager..try even telling them u want to be an entrepreneur...what did dad and mom say?

For me its not so much the numbers..its just that women do not have an equal chance to do it...women leaders are there..in plenty..i remember them in SONU during the campus years..you see them in civil society and parliament...some are even in high school...give them a chance to blossom; and anyway...we have had men leading this country for 40+ years...what change has come to Kenya? Just think about how efficiently your mum runs the home...always on top of everything...imagine translating that (with the necessary added experience) to our fondly called "National Cake"?

I rest my case.

THE BOY CHILD

I think that organization thats fighting for the rights of the boy-child has something going there. Initially id thought, oh no! another briefcase ngo fleecing on unsuspecting donors funding but after some of the things ive witnessed in my short life im thinking...yes, we've concentrated so much on the girl-child that we forgot about the boys...and because of that, we now have a crop of men who really have no clue what being a man is all about. Ask T.D Jakes...no, go out and buy his book "he-motions" and ull get an idea about what im saying. Im thinking about the "fanya hesabu" ad by jimmy gathu and his message on mpango wa kando...its that thing about not taking up responsibility...surely...life cannot be about partying all the time with different women...and no, disrespecting your wife or girlfriend by using all forms of abuse does not cut it either...which makes me ask this question? where did men learn this behaviour? who taught them its ok to be this kind of person? A shrink will tell you its something from your childhood...could it be? Ive heard this and i think theres a point here: how u grow up..a happy home..a happy child, an abusive home..an abusive child...a child learns what he sees. Although that may not apply to everyone, there those whove come out of the negative and built very positive lives despite their experiences..oprah for example. So if its not really about childhood, what is it? insecurity...lack of knowledge? Whatever the case, point is, its time some men started unlearning some behaviours. Its not just for their own good but for the good of society. Social ethics 101: the man is the head of the family...the family is the basic unit of society...imagine with me a man who has no values or who does not take up his responsibility as the head of the home...multiply that with 1000 family units...the end result? Now picture it the other way...man who knows his role and takes up his responsibilities... yap..im for boy-child rights...maybe we can get it right this way. maybe.