When NTV launched that show i was like.."eeeww! like anyone would be interested to know what happens in a salon!" I was wrong..its amazing how a simple visit to the salon can shape one's outlook on life and im not talking about those nice salons in the suburbs..im talking that mabati one near your estate..ok..its maybe not that one..the one in the shopping centre..either way its a kasmall establishment!
So i thot about this when i went to the kasalon next to my kaflat...do you ever notice how good the hair of the hairdressers are? we all know thats a sales gimmic..anyway,jana i was at the salon and one of the hairdressers gets a call and her colleagues start chiding her..making those gestures of "its the boyfriend calling"..the usual silly stuff people do..the blushing hairdresser rans out of the salon to pick her call in private.
and the minute she's out,her colleagues back at the salon begin talking behind her back! and its not the good stuff..its actually scathing! "ooh does she know what a looser that man is...oooh i wish she could get a man like mine..ooh ooh oooh (as bonny khalwale would say)
minutes later when she returns its back to pleasantries and words of encouragement..im like gawsh! backstabbing has never been so smooth..wacha velvet!
It took me back to a day last year when i was in a different salon in the neighbourhood and these two hair dressers went all out! it was pure soap opera! I cant really remember how it started but it had something to do with one saying the other was dirty..how that changed into their bedroom habits is still a mystery to me..the two women were causing a scene and u know in nairobi with all the idle people around how fast a crowd can gather...instead of the crowd being a signal that they should shut up about their sex lives..it fueled the feud!I just wanted the ground to open and swallow me up on their behalf...mind u my hair had been left halfway done so they could get into the quarrel!
Eventually another hairdresser came to finish my hair and she was telling me how the two keep going at it every now and then and how she was considering firing them coz they were bad for business...bad for business..i was not even concerned about their cvs, its how they could walk in the streets without hiding their faces with everyone knowing what they had gotten up to!
It just made me think again about women..sometimes its true what they say...we are our own worst enemies...who is to know the guys these women were fighting about were in another part of the city getting it on with some other woman? and if my hairdressers from jana know that the guy their colleague is dating is bad news..why not go and tell her instead of feigning happiness for her? is it that we like to see other women fail? do we get a kick out of seeing the other woman fall to pieces? I think that before we go at the other woman's throat about the guy, we should first ask ourselves about the man and then about our own character..what would make us think that we deserve less than what we were created for?
It is this attitude that we need to change as women if we are to truly get the respect we deserve..if you want others to love u they say, u have to love urself...a deep appreciation of urself..who you are...warts and all..because when you appreciate you..you know what you deserve and no one can make you settle for less..no matter the pressure! And remember ladies, God created us and despite what everyone else may think of you..God don't make no junk!
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Thursday, February 17, 2011
ROCK BOTTOM
sometimes it takes hitting rock bottom
going so far down that the only way out is going back up
its funny how it all begins as a joke, fun times.
u say hey, i can handle it
but it happens so quickly...the turnaround.
soon your reeling out of control
and everything is getting messed up.
so your down there..rock bottom
and your pride wont admit it.
then comes the cover ups
its clear that denial is your best friend
everything that ur doing wrong
has its ten persuasions that u are not falling.
but there always is that moment
that you can no longer come up with excuses
its getting messed up and it needs fixing
and no..your way is not helping.
The good thing about getting here is
when you begin going back up again
you are not alone...God is holding the rope on the other end
His angels are by your side booting u up the rope to safer ground.
Now you are armed with experience
and the knowledge of a God who really cares to pick you up when you fall
and true friends who will stick by you no matter what.
So when you have hit rock bottom
guess what, this is a good opportunity to get back up again and get back in line.
going so far down that the only way out is going back up
its funny how it all begins as a joke, fun times.
u say hey, i can handle it
but it happens so quickly...the turnaround.
soon your reeling out of control
and everything is getting messed up.
so your down there..rock bottom
and your pride wont admit it.
then comes the cover ups
its clear that denial is your best friend
everything that ur doing wrong
has its ten persuasions that u are not falling.
but there always is that moment
that you can no longer come up with excuses
its getting messed up and it needs fixing
and no..your way is not helping.
The good thing about getting here is
when you begin going back up again
you are not alone...God is holding the rope on the other end
His angels are by your side booting u up the rope to safer ground.
Now you are armed with experience
and the knowledge of a God who really cares to pick you up when you fall
and true friends who will stick by you no matter what.
So when you have hit rock bottom
guess what, this is a good opportunity to get back up again and get back in line.
CONTROL
Control...sometimes u have it..other times u loose it..or lack it..
lets just say this word has never had more meaning in my life than
two weeks ago when i had to leave our baby for the first time and head to work..
i felt for the first time what really loosing control means...
i mean...since i got pregnant, i took care of her...then i gave birth and i was directly in touch with her every move or sound..i changed her diapers..i breastfed her...now..i had to leave all that to a woman who really does not feel as strongly as i do about my baby... it is just a job to her...
i found myself asking: will she feed her? will she bath her like i taught her...remembering those tufolds in her feet? will she just leave her in the house and go maroundi'z or will she go beyond just doing her job and take care of her?
Its back to control...i had no control of what happens to my baby when im at work
and that for a first-time mom...that can break u down..
So far..so good...the baby seems well...but there is that thing..that nagging feeling...that everything is not well...its called worry...how i worried...
until one day i chanced upon a gospel artist..one of my favourites might i add..on tv..
yolanda adams...
she was talking about a time when she was on tour and her child back at home was so sick..
like any mom, the thought of dropping everything to be with her child came to mind..
"i need to be there...when im there..everything will be fine" she'd keep telling herself
infact her prayer was "God, take care of my child till i get home..i'll take it from there"
but God told her and i paraphrase " kwani Me im not already here to take care of this child?"
the tune changed at that point...and interestingly it also changed for me
Because you see, u never will be where u want to be and even if u try..something will come in the way...i call it loosing control...God calls it "Let Me handle it"
Infact, life should be about letting go and letting God..
Since that day i leave the house every morning, a little less stressed..
i mean, God of the universe is minding our baby..taking care of her..
who else would be more qualified to care for anyone than God?
Now spin my story to a situation ur struggling to control...
and try God for a change.
lets just say this word has never had more meaning in my life than
two weeks ago when i had to leave our baby for the first time and head to work..
i felt for the first time what really loosing control means...
i mean...since i got pregnant, i took care of her...then i gave birth and i was directly in touch with her every move or sound..i changed her diapers..i breastfed her...now..i had to leave all that to a woman who really does not feel as strongly as i do about my baby... it is just a job to her...
i found myself asking: will she feed her? will she bath her like i taught her...remembering those tufolds in her feet? will she just leave her in the house and go maroundi'z or will she go beyond just doing her job and take care of her?
Its back to control...i had no control of what happens to my baby when im at work
and that for a first-time mom...that can break u down..
So far..so good...the baby seems well...but there is that thing..that nagging feeling...that everything is not well...its called worry...how i worried...
until one day i chanced upon a gospel artist..one of my favourites might i add..on tv..
yolanda adams...
she was talking about a time when she was on tour and her child back at home was so sick..
like any mom, the thought of dropping everything to be with her child came to mind..
"i need to be there...when im there..everything will be fine" she'd keep telling herself
infact her prayer was "God, take care of my child till i get home..i'll take it from there"
but God told her and i paraphrase " kwani Me im not already here to take care of this child?"
the tune changed at that point...and interestingly it also changed for me
Because you see, u never will be where u want to be and even if u try..something will come in the way...i call it loosing control...God calls it "Let Me handle it"
Infact, life should be about letting go and letting God..
Since that day i leave the house every morning, a little less stressed..
i mean, God of the universe is minding our baby..taking care of her..
who else would be more qualified to care for anyone than God?
Now spin my story to a situation ur struggling to control...
and try God for a change.
WOMAN
As i was rushing to work today i encountered a woman giving birth on the street..
That kind of thing stops you dead in your tracks and for five minutes i just could not move or think or do anything..
i just stared..both hands on my cheeks..eyes wild with horror.
I tried to think of something to do...help to give..but i was frozen..
fortunately for that woman...there were lots of women around her helping her with the birthing process..
Then i remembered my own labor process..
It was a clean room in an uptown hospital
with a handful of doctors and nurses at hand...
and here she was..on the dirty street floor...
fighting for her life and that of her child...
i was horrified and then i grew very mad...
that should not happen..not in 2010!!
But then again i asked myself...
what if?
A baby does not give the time when she/he will be making her debut in the world
if she/he decides on the roadside...in the car as your heading to hospital
what do you do? no time for CS..ur too far to make it...
what do you do?
you pray for grace and do the needful..
your babys life depends on this ..
and you may be fortunate to have help around
either way..you have no choice...
We may blame her for not knowing early enough to go to hospital in advance
but with a baby sometimes..you never know...until its time..
its called being a woman.
Then theres another group of women...
those older women who were not afraid to dig in and help
this woman in need
those who threw their handbags aside and knelt on the hard concrete
and played doctor...and in the end delivered her child
theres something inspiring about that kind of courage
steely courage..that delves into danger head-first...
i want to be that kind of woman...
So when you see a woman abused, misused...
tell them about the sacrifices she makes to give life...
God bless women.
That kind of thing stops you dead in your tracks and for five minutes i just could not move or think or do anything..
i just stared..both hands on my cheeks..eyes wild with horror.
I tried to think of something to do...help to give..but i was frozen..
fortunately for that woman...there were lots of women around her helping her with the birthing process..
Then i remembered my own labor process..
It was a clean room in an uptown hospital
with a handful of doctors and nurses at hand...
and here she was..on the dirty street floor...
fighting for her life and that of her child...
i was horrified and then i grew very mad...
that should not happen..not in 2010!!
But then again i asked myself...
what if?
A baby does not give the time when she/he will be making her debut in the world
if she/he decides on the roadside...in the car as your heading to hospital
what do you do? no time for CS..ur too far to make it...
what do you do?
you pray for grace and do the needful..
your babys life depends on this ..
and you may be fortunate to have help around
either way..you have no choice...
We may blame her for not knowing early enough to go to hospital in advance
but with a baby sometimes..you never know...until its time..
its called being a woman.
Then theres another group of women...
those older women who were not afraid to dig in and help
this woman in need
those who threw their handbags aside and knelt on the hard concrete
and played doctor...and in the end delivered her child
theres something inspiring about that kind of courage
steely courage..that delves into danger head-first...
i want to be that kind of woman...
So when you see a woman abused, misused...
tell them about the sacrifices she makes to give life...
God bless women.
GFNTB'S
You know ive nyamazad on this story mpaka i cant no more..i know its not the whole lot of the male fraternity but after doing so many stories about guys bailing out on their women i thot its time to just say some things about GFNTB's or as Destiny's Child put it..."good for nothing type of brothers"
Now jana i did a story about a baby who was born with teeth (www.ntv.co.ke)...a rare but not a freakish thing..there are babies who are born with this condition..so anyway..the father of the baby bails on the mum ati coz the baby is weird and neighbors are talking and the stories have gone as far as to say well..i guess u can imagine how wild the story has gone since they live in some shags place..
My big question was: what the hell? As in, he just left her to deal with the drama of neighbors and relatives and oh by the way, she still has three other kids she is taking care of...whatever happened to being the man of the house? The head of the home?
Now lets go to the more normal occurance of guy bouncing when chik gets pregnant or guy giving the "im not going out with her line coz her success intimidates me" line..Now i know there are those chiks who weka guys kwa box and then there are those who like to intimidate men...but honestly..thats not all of them...what of the gal u promised u loved and would stik with her no matter what? What changed?
I think that a lot of guys need to stand up and take their place as men in their families..some men have gotten so passive..its sickening...they no longer play their role of provider, protector and priest of their homes..thats just whack! Im not saying that women should just sit back and wait for their men to bring home the bacon but it was never Gods intention that the woman does both male and female jobs in a marriage..in Gods kingdom there is division of labor...but for most people the mum is the mum and dad...ah aah!
Ok, ur mum raised you all by herself and you turned out ok..but think about it...werent there days when u just wished..dad would do this for me instead? or dad would be better fit to understand this? or it would have meant more if dad had said it?
I think its time that men took their position...generations are getting lost because a man did not play his role in the family...no its not a "women's thing" to pray...The man is the head of the home just as Christ is the Head of the Church...tnd you are meant to take care of ur family..whether you are ready for it or not...honestly, a whole testosterone popping dude who claims to be "a man" but hepas the woman and leaves her to ng'ang'ana when things get thick? Which strength is this we are talking about now?And on that note ya'll need to be with your woman in labor ward so u experience just what krap ur putting her thru when u say atajipanga...or if u do not want that drama..why even get into it in the first place?
As i said earlier, chiks are no angels in all of this...there are devils who connive to put men in boxes..but theres a group of ladies who have learnt (most probably from their father figures) that in this world, u stand up for urself...no man can take care of u...or worse, they will just use you...ladies, not all men fall in this category...there are those men who are standing up and taking their position in the family...they are the guys who have decided not to make the decisions their dads made. They are few..but they are there
I know most of us did not grow up with father figures that we can look up to..thats why Mothers day is more celebrated than Fathers day..but we are not our fathers..we can be different.
So as you chill out for the weekend...we need each other...we all have different and specific roles to play and we need to ensure we play them so our universe remains in balance...failure to which..kesho i will be doing another shenzi-type story of another man who did not stand up to his responsibilities.
Now jana i did a story about a baby who was born with teeth (www.ntv.co.ke)...a rare but not a freakish thing..there are babies who are born with this condition..so anyway..the father of the baby bails on the mum ati coz the baby is weird and neighbors are talking and the stories have gone as far as to say well..i guess u can imagine how wild the story has gone since they live in some shags place..
My big question was: what the hell? As in, he just left her to deal with the drama of neighbors and relatives and oh by the way, she still has three other kids she is taking care of...whatever happened to being the man of the house? The head of the home?
Now lets go to the more normal occurance of guy bouncing when chik gets pregnant or guy giving the "im not going out with her line coz her success intimidates me" line..Now i know there are those chiks who weka guys kwa box and then there are those who like to intimidate men...but honestly..thats not all of them...what of the gal u promised u loved and would stik with her no matter what? What changed?
I think that a lot of guys need to stand up and take their place as men in their families..some men have gotten so passive..its sickening...they no longer play their role of provider, protector and priest of their homes..thats just whack! Im not saying that women should just sit back and wait for their men to bring home the bacon but it was never Gods intention that the woman does both male and female jobs in a marriage..in Gods kingdom there is division of labor...but for most people the mum is the mum and dad...ah aah!
Ok, ur mum raised you all by herself and you turned out ok..but think about it...werent there days when u just wished..dad would do this for me instead? or dad would be better fit to understand this? or it would have meant more if dad had said it?
I think its time that men took their position...generations are getting lost because a man did not play his role in the family...no its not a "women's thing" to pray...The man is the head of the home just as Christ is the Head of the Church...tnd you are meant to take care of ur family..whether you are ready for it or not...honestly, a whole testosterone popping dude who claims to be "a man" but hepas the woman and leaves her to ng'ang'ana when things get thick? Which strength is this we are talking about now?And on that note ya'll need to be with your woman in labor ward so u experience just what krap ur putting her thru when u say atajipanga...or if u do not want that drama..why even get into it in the first place?
As i said earlier, chiks are no angels in all of this...there are devils who connive to put men in boxes..but theres a group of ladies who have learnt (most probably from their father figures) that in this world, u stand up for urself...no man can take care of u...or worse, they will just use you...ladies, not all men fall in this category...there are those men who are standing up and taking their position in the family...they are the guys who have decided not to make the decisions their dads made. They are few..but they are there
I know most of us did not grow up with father figures that we can look up to..thats why Mothers day is more celebrated than Fathers day..but we are not our fathers..we can be different.
So as you chill out for the weekend...we need each other...we all have different and specific roles to play and we need to ensure we play them so our universe remains in balance...failure to which..kesho i will be doing another shenzi-type story of another man who did not stand up to his responsibilities.
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
GOING VALENTINES
It happens every year on that date in february..painting the town red..the roses..the cards...the flowers..the dread on the part of guys who have to "live up to the day"..you know the deal..valentines day.
And for as long as i can remember, or at least for as long as ive known what valentines all about i have always thought it to be a major drag to dress up in red and live up to the stereotypes of the day..infact i was probably the one sneering at those men and women who actually had the nerve to wake up in the morning and wear red and walk around with their flowers and baskets of goodies coz it was valentines..i mean that was totally shady...and i had all my reasons to shun the ritual
1. love should be shared and expressed everyday
2. it made those who dont have valentines really lonely and depressed and its not good manners to flaunt
3. commercialization
the list is endless
So come monday morning i went with my usual programme of treating it like it was any other day...well that was untils something nudged me and told me to wear that red scarf...i knew i was tempting fate but i said..what the heck..let me do it..for the fun of it..see what they will say...and boy did the words or should i say looks flood in
So as i approach the matatu stage theres this guy who is looking at me like "are u serious..seriously?" i mean the disgust on his face topped up with the sneer..i almost burst out in laughter..then theres the others in the stage giving me the "are u for real?" look and i told myself wow..imagine if i had gone the full red from head-to-toe? So all the way to the office the reaction was the same: "silly..silly girl" but then i passed this lady who, true to the day, had done the full red and she was strutting her stuff along the street..there was no way anyone was putting her down..it was valentines and she was celebrating it.
Its after observing her that the question begged:"if she is ok with 'going valentines' what the heck is my problem?" Its not my dress or shoes or body..and she is really enjoying the moment...why should i care? She has the right to do the red same as i have the right to not do the red..let it be!
There was a tv interview i watched where the host asked the guest if valentines was overrated and too commercialized and she answered "more or less than christmas?" and it got me thinking...yes, the story of christmas should be celebrated and lived daily not just on christmas day but it never harmed us to take that day in December to really celebrate Christmas, so whats so different about valentines?
yes, you should express your love daily but if we have a day set out for it, why not go all out? coz if we are to go with the arguement then might as well scrap any day set aside to celebrate or remember something or someone.
So it was with that in mind that i made the decision to go all out..expressing my love to all my loved ones not because i do not on other days but because this day was set aside to do so..mtado?
And for as long as i can remember, or at least for as long as ive known what valentines all about i have always thought it to be a major drag to dress up in red and live up to the stereotypes of the day..infact i was probably the one sneering at those men and women who actually had the nerve to wake up in the morning and wear red and walk around with their flowers and baskets of goodies coz it was valentines..i mean that was totally shady...and i had all my reasons to shun the ritual
1. love should be shared and expressed everyday
2. it made those who dont have valentines really lonely and depressed and its not good manners to flaunt
3. commercialization
the list is endless
So come monday morning i went with my usual programme of treating it like it was any other day...well that was untils something nudged me and told me to wear that red scarf...i knew i was tempting fate but i said..what the heck..let me do it..for the fun of it..see what they will say...and boy did the words or should i say looks flood in
So as i approach the matatu stage theres this guy who is looking at me like "are u serious..seriously?" i mean the disgust on his face topped up with the sneer..i almost burst out in laughter..then theres the others in the stage giving me the "are u for real?" look and i told myself wow..imagine if i had gone the full red from head-to-toe? So all the way to the office the reaction was the same: "silly..silly girl" but then i passed this lady who, true to the day, had done the full red and she was strutting her stuff along the street..there was no way anyone was putting her down..it was valentines and she was celebrating it.
Its after observing her that the question begged:"if she is ok with 'going valentines' what the heck is my problem?" Its not my dress or shoes or body..and she is really enjoying the moment...why should i care? She has the right to do the red same as i have the right to not do the red..let it be!
There was a tv interview i watched where the host asked the guest if valentines was overrated and too commercialized and she answered "more or less than christmas?" and it got me thinking...yes, the story of christmas should be celebrated and lived daily not just on christmas day but it never harmed us to take that day in December to really celebrate Christmas, so whats so different about valentines?
yes, you should express your love daily but if we have a day set out for it, why not go all out? coz if we are to go with the arguement then might as well scrap any day set aside to celebrate or remember something or someone.
So it was with that in mind that i made the decision to go all out..expressing my love to all my loved ones not because i do not on other days but because this day was set aside to do so..mtado?
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