So this week the office took us for a retreat cum teambuilding to the Aboretum...this place is kinda nolstalgic for me coz i was at State House Primary School which is very close to the forest. in fact, we used to do our games in the kaopen field in the forest...primary life for me was a blast..no wonder i get goosebumps being here..but i digress.
As some of you may know...these days aboretum is a prayer centre...from when we got to the ka main field area you hear shouts...people fervent in prayer...one of my workmates then volunteered what many of us were thinking but were too scared to admit out loud: "mapharisiya". In english, thats the pharisees, you know those religious groups in Jesus time who thought themselves to be so holy and righteous but Christ called them vipers..yah them. Now to say that of everyone who comes to the aboretum to pray would be a great misjudgement as we do not really know who they are when they are behind closed doors and anyway, someone would argue they are in the privacy of the forest so no harm to other kenyans going about their businesses in the city.
But prayer styles aside,there was one guy who caught my attention. He was a young man in jeans and a t-shirt. He picked the furthest corner of the area and began pacing back and forth holding his bible and praying. He was not shouting, it was a conversation, just something like, "ok..its how with this story God? What the deal with that Lord?"
It just made me think..wow..a young man...praying...with that intensity...and i just thought to myself..when was the last time i prayed? as in prayed..not that quick one that comes out my mouth when my daughter escapes a big fall or injury..or that one when ive just ponead..or when i really need something to happen...
Then i thought about the youth...if we had more young people praying..how different would our lives and value systems be?
Im a big Madea fan and theres a play i think you should go and look out for its called "Madea's Big Happy Family" and in it she says that theres something wrong with kids born after the 80s, they think that they need to be given things and not work for them. Nothing comes easy, you need to work on it. Do not be tricked by the blings, cars and rap videos. Work." And to add to those powerful lines, seek first the kingdom of God and these things shall be added to you.
Pray.
Friday, March 25, 2011
Friday, March 18, 2011
JIJUE..FOR THE CHILDREN
It is what makes a difference between a terminal illness or an infection free life for your baby, yet, making that trip to the ante-natal clinic to do that all important test is still shunned by many Kenyan women and their men. Reason: taking the test means knowing your HIV status and if you’re found to be positive, well, you believe that it is all downhill from there.
It seems so 1990s to be talking about ‘stigma’ and the fear that ‘your life has come to an end’ when one finds out that they are HIV positive in 2011, especially when one looks at all the advances in medicine and the numerous campaigns to get people to go get tested, but the truth is: stigma is still stopping people form knowing their HIV status.
As a journalist who reports on HIV and AIDs, the main question that is posed to me by HIV+ persons is: “And what will my neighbors think when they see me on TV talking about my status? They will stop talking to me! I do not want to be isolated!”
Ask most Kenyans and they will tell you that all these campaigns about getting tested are well worth it, some will have even braved the counseling session of testing for HIV and even know their status but announce it at the rooftops? Never! They will prefer to get their daily dosage of ARV and do the clinic trips but in uttermost privacy, why? The Kenyan society is not yet ready to do away with stigma.
Now going with the above sentiments, add a baby, an innocent human being whose only fault was to be conceived by two adults who either never talked about using protection during sex or who knowingly knew their status and are on a revenge mission to spread it to as many people as possible or in the most likely case of a married couple, a spouse who has been unfaithful…the list is endless. You have spelled doom for that child and it could have been avoided if you just took the test.
So you are pregnant, you are frightened to death about finding out that you may be HIV positive, how will you handle it, what will they think of you in the office or at home? Can you handle the stares and backbiting? No! But think about it, you and your child HIV positive: going through the ARV lifestyle of timed drug intakes, a healthy nutrition diet and of course the stigma. And you never know, that child may grow up to finally give us the cure for HIV that we have been searching for years in vain and in this African setup, that child may be the one who will look after you when you become too frail.
Now let me talk to those of us who have never gone to take the test. Ok, so you are healthy, but for how long? What will happen to your children? Take a walk to Nyumbani Children’s Home and spend time with those children to get a clue about what it means to be an AIDS orphan. It is something you could have avoided for your children, yet, you are not ready to face the truth. The government and NGOs are spending a good chunk of their budget on HIV infected and affected persons without each of us having to add the burden.
Go get tested, if not for yourself, then for the child you are carrying or those children that you love.
It seems so 1990s to be talking about ‘stigma’ and the fear that ‘your life has come to an end’ when one finds out that they are HIV positive in 2011, especially when one looks at all the advances in medicine and the numerous campaigns to get people to go get tested, but the truth is: stigma is still stopping people form knowing their HIV status.
As a journalist who reports on HIV and AIDs, the main question that is posed to me by HIV+ persons is: “And what will my neighbors think when they see me on TV talking about my status? They will stop talking to me! I do not want to be isolated!”
Ask most Kenyans and they will tell you that all these campaigns about getting tested are well worth it, some will have even braved the counseling session of testing for HIV and even know their status but announce it at the rooftops? Never! They will prefer to get their daily dosage of ARV and do the clinic trips but in uttermost privacy, why? The Kenyan society is not yet ready to do away with stigma.
Now going with the above sentiments, add a baby, an innocent human being whose only fault was to be conceived by two adults who either never talked about using protection during sex or who knowingly knew their status and are on a revenge mission to spread it to as many people as possible or in the most likely case of a married couple, a spouse who has been unfaithful…the list is endless. You have spelled doom for that child and it could have been avoided if you just took the test.
So you are pregnant, you are frightened to death about finding out that you may be HIV positive, how will you handle it, what will they think of you in the office or at home? Can you handle the stares and backbiting? No! But think about it, you and your child HIV positive: going through the ARV lifestyle of timed drug intakes, a healthy nutrition diet and of course the stigma. And you never know, that child may grow up to finally give us the cure for HIV that we have been searching for years in vain and in this African setup, that child may be the one who will look after you when you become too frail.
Now let me talk to those of us who have never gone to take the test. Ok, so you are healthy, but for how long? What will happen to your children? Take a walk to Nyumbani Children’s Home and spend time with those children to get a clue about what it means to be an AIDS orphan. It is something you could have avoided for your children, yet, you are not ready to face the truth. The government and NGOs are spending a good chunk of their budget on HIV infected and affected persons without each of us having to add the burden.
Go get tested, if not for yourself, then for the child you are carrying or those children that you love.
Monday, March 14, 2011
THE WORD LESS
Its everywhere, you see it on the tv, you hear it on the radio, its the most sought after thing...the search for the ideal mate to spend you forever with. I dint really think much about it until i saw this very young couple holding hands in town and it made me think, wah,theres pressure to huk up! For a minute there i asked myself if the pressure was that high when i was back at high school, to huk up that is...hmm...thats debatable seeing as our version of huking up is somewhat different from the huk up we see now.
To ask why would generate another big debate so im going to focus on is: before calling on the radio to ask the presenter to find you a man or woman, or texting 'single' to 6677 (not the real number) or attending the Easy FM singles party or whatever other means i hear people use to huk up these days...what we really need to ask ourselves first is;
1. what do i really want?
2. what does huk up really mean to me?
Now when i was young (teeheehee) no, actually after i cleared Form Four there was i mentorship bible study i was a member of. Simply put, an older christian woman inculcates christian values in the younger woman's life in the hope that they will raise a generation of young people with the kind of values that will see them succeed in life, marriage and work under the umbrella of christianity. One of the things we were once told was to write a list of the kind of man we would want to marry...no matter how silly it sounded just put it down in the list. I have to admit that at 18 years ur world view is a bit warped and the list may have been a bit unrealistic but several years down the line, some of them remained and held true...id say the experiences i went through after writing the list made me rewrite my expectations of my future husband,nonetheless im glad i wrote the list because it was my compass in finding exactly what direction i wanted to go with in choosing the man that i married. The point of that whole exercise was direction and discovery.
Many of us ladies do not really know what they want or what they SHOULD want in a man...the same goes for some guys although going by what i have seen, the woman of Proverbs 31 pretty much sums up the guys wish list. I think women should also know what they want...and im guessing if i search the bible ill find the woman's wishlist too! However, you cant really know what you want in someone else if you really dont know what ur about first. Its very easy to say: "he should be tall, dark and handsome" just coz thats what everyone says a good man should be about.
I watched a tyler perry movie jana which was focussing on this issue. There was the woman who had low self-esteem that she did not think she deserved a good man even if he was right there in her face (and he was!),then there was the woman who just wanted the world to see she was not alone so any man would do, including the abusive type and thats what she got,then there was the girl who because she had never felt love from her mother fell for the first guy who told her she was all that...im guessing some of us are these women..perhaps at different levels..maybe theres more to the list..
Theres got to be a line for all of us...marriage is not something to be taken lightly..neither is dating for that matter...no pressure should make you sink below what you are really worth..but first do you really know ur worth? And men, do you know that when you love a woman and respect her, she submits to you? Its all about bowing down to the right thing, no point giving your all to someone who is not worth it...
Most important, you get ur true compass on who you are by going to the One who created you..just a thot..or three!
To ask why would generate another big debate so im going to focus on is: before calling on the radio to ask the presenter to find you a man or woman, or texting 'single' to 6677 (not the real number) or attending the Easy FM singles party or whatever other means i hear people use to huk up these days...what we really need to ask ourselves first is;
1. what do i really want?
2. what does huk up really mean to me?
Now when i was young (teeheehee) no, actually after i cleared Form Four there was i mentorship bible study i was a member of. Simply put, an older christian woman inculcates christian values in the younger woman's life in the hope that they will raise a generation of young people with the kind of values that will see them succeed in life, marriage and work under the umbrella of christianity. One of the things we were once told was to write a list of the kind of man we would want to marry...no matter how silly it sounded just put it down in the list. I have to admit that at 18 years ur world view is a bit warped and the list may have been a bit unrealistic but several years down the line, some of them remained and held true...id say the experiences i went through after writing the list made me rewrite my expectations of my future husband,nonetheless im glad i wrote the list because it was my compass in finding exactly what direction i wanted to go with in choosing the man that i married. The point of that whole exercise was direction and discovery.
Many of us ladies do not really know what they want or what they SHOULD want in a man...the same goes for some guys although going by what i have seen, the woman of Proverbs 31 pretty much sums up the guys wish list. I think women should also know what they want...and im guessing if i search the bible ill find the woman's wishlist too! However, you cant really know what you want in someone else if you really dont know what ur about first. Its very easy to say: "he should be tall, dark and handsome" just coz thats what everyone says a good man should be about.
I watched a tyler perry movie jana which was focussing on this issue. There was the woman who had low self-esteem that she did not think she deserved a good man even if he was right there in her face (and he was!),then there was the woman who just wanted the world to see she was not alone so any man would do, including the abusive type and thats what she got,then there was the girl who because she had never felt love from her mother fell for the first guy who told her she was all that...im guessing some of us are these women..perhaps at different levels..maybe theres more to the list..
Theres got to be a line for all of us...marriage is not something to be taken lightly..neither is dating for that matter...no pressure should make you sink below what you are really worth..but first do you really know ur worth? And men, do you know that when you love a woman and respect her, she submits to you? Its all about bowing down to the right thing, no point giving your all to someone who is not worth it...
Most important, you get ur true compass on who you are by going to the One who created you..just a thot..or three!
Sunday, February 20, 2011
WASH N SET
When NTV launched that show i was like.."eeeww! like anyone would be interested to know what happens in a salon!" I was wrong..its amazing how a simple visit to the salon can shape one's outlook on life and im not talking about those nice salons in the suburbs..im talking that mabati one near your estate..ok..its maybe not that one..the one in the shopping centre..either way its a kasmall establishment!
So i thot about this when i went to the kasalon next to my kaflat...do you ever notice how good the hair of the hairdressers are? we all know thats a sales gimmic..anyway,jana i was at the salon and one of the hairdressers gets a call and her colleagues start chiding her..making those gestures of "its the boyfriend calling"..the usual silly stuff people do..the blushing hairdresser rans out of the salon to pick her call in private.
and the minute she's out,her colleagues back at the salon begin talking behind her back! and its not the good stuff..its actually scathing! "ooh does she know what a looser that man is...oooh i wish she could get a man like mine..ooh ooh oooh (as bonny khalwale would say)
minutes later when she returns its back to pleasantries and words of encouragement..im like gawsh! backstabbing has never been so smooth..wacha velvet!
It took me back to a day last year when i was in a different salon in the neighbourhood and these two hair dressers went all out! it was pure soap opera! I cant really remember how it started but it had something to do with one saying the other was dirty..how that changed into their bedroom habits is still a mystery to me..the two women were causing a scene and u know in nairobi with all the idle people around how fast a crowd can gather...instead of the crowd being a signal that they should shut up about their sex lives..it fueled the feud!I just wanted the ground to open and swallow me up on their behalf...mind u my hair had been left halfway done so they could get into the quarrel!
Eventually another hairdresser came to finish my hair and she was telling me how the two keep going at it every now and then and how she was considering firing them coz they were bad for business...bad for business..i was not even concerned about their cvs, its how they could walk in the streets without hiding their faces with everyone knowing what they had gotten up to!
It just made me think again about women..sometimes its true what they say...we are our own worst enemies...who is to know the guys these women were fighting about were in another part of the city getting it on with some other woman? and if my hairdressers from jana know that the guy their colleague is dating is bad news..why not go and tell her instead of feigning happiness for her? is it that we like to see other women fail? do we get a kick out of seeing the other woman fall to pieces? I think that before we go at the other woman's throat about the guy, we should first ask ourselves about the man and then about our own character..what would make us think that we deserve less than what we were created for?
It is this attitude that we need to change as women if we are to truly get the respect we deserve..if you want others to love u they say, u have to love urself...a deep appreciation of urself..who you are...warts and all..because when you appreciate you..you know what you deserve and no one can make you settle for less..no matter the pressure! And remember ladies, God created us and despite what everyone else may think of you..God don't make no junk!
So i thot about this when i went to the kasalon next to my kaflat...do you ever notice how good the hair of the hairdressers are? we all know thats a sales gimmic..anyway,jana i was at the salon and one of the hairdressers gets a call and her colleagues start chiding her..making those gestures of "its the boyfriend calling"..the usual silly stuff people do..the blushing hairdresser rans out of the salon to pick her call in private.
and the minute she's out,her colleagues back at the salon begin talking behind her back! and its not the good stuff..its actually scathing! "ooh does she know what a looser that man is...oooh i wish she could get a man like mine..ooh ooh oooh (as bonny khalwale would say)
minutes later when she returns its back to pleasantries and words of encouragement..im like gawsh! backstabbing has never been so smooth..wacha velvet!
It took me back to a day last year when i was in a different salon in the neighbourhood and these two hair dressers went all out! it was pure soap opera! I cant really remember how it started but it had something to do with one saying the other was dirty..how that changed into their bedroom habits is still a mystery to me..the two women were causing a scene and u know in nairobi with all the idle people around how fast a crowd can gather...instead of the crowd being a signal that they should shut up about their sex lives..it fueled the feud!I just wanted the ground to open and swallow me up on their behalf...mind u my hair had been left halfway done so they could get into the quarrel!
Eventually another hairdresser came to finish my hair and she was telling me how the two keep going at it every now and then and how she was considering firing them coz they were bad for business...bad for business..i was not even concerned about their cvs, its how they could walk in the streets without hiding their faces with everyone knowing what they had gotten up to!
It just made me think again about women..sometimes its true what they say...we are our own worst enemies...who is to know the guys these women were fighting about were in another part of the city getting it on with some other woman? and if my hairdressers from jana know that the guy their colleague is dating is bad news..why not go and tell her instead of feigning happiness for her? is it that we like to see other women fail? do we get a kick out of seeing the other woman fall to pieces? I think that before we go at the other woman's throat about the guy, we should first ask ourselves about the man and then about our own character..what would make us think that we deserve less than what we were created for?
It is this attitude that we need to change as women if we are to truly get the respect we deserve..if you want others to love u they say, u have to love urself...a deep appreciation of urself..who you are...warts and all..because when you appreciate you..you know what you deserve and no one can make you settle for less..no matter the pressure! And remember ladies, God created us and despite what everyone else may think of you..God don't make no junk!
Thursday, February 17, 2011
ROCK BOTTOM
sometimes it takes hitting rock bottom
going so far down that the only way out is going back up
its funny how it all begins as a joke, fun times.
u say hey, i can handle it
but it happens so quickly...the turnaround.
soon your reeling out of control
and everything is getting messed up.
so your down there..rock bottom
and your pride wont admit it.
then comes the cover ups
its clear that denial is your best friend
everything that ur doing wrong
has its ten persuasions that u are not falling.
but there always is that moment
that you can no longer come up with excuses
its getting messed up and it needs fixing
and no..your way is not helping.
The good thing about getting here is
when you begin going back up again
you are not alone...God is holding the rope on the other end
His angels are by your side booting u up the rope to safer ground.
Now you are armed with experience
and the knowledge of a God who really cares to pick you up when you fall
and true friends who will stick by you no matter what.
So when you have hit rock bottom
guess what, this is a good opportunity to get back up again and get back in line.
going so far down that the only way out is going back up
its funny how it all begins as a joke, fun times.
u say hey, i can handle it
but it happens so quickly...the turnaround.
soon your reeling out of control
and everything is getting messed up.
so your down there..rock bottom
and your pride wont admit it.
then comes the cover ups
its clear that denial is your best friend
everything that ur doing wrong
has its ten persuasions that u are not falling.
but there always is that moment
that you can no longer come up with excuses
its getting messed up and it needs fixing
and no..your way is not helping.
The good thing about getting here is
when you begin going back up again
you are not alone...God is holding the rope on the other end
His angels are by your side booting u up the rope to safer ground.
Now you are armed with experience
and the knowledge of a God who really cares to pick you up when you fall
and true friends who will stick by you no matter what.
So when you have hit rock bottom
guess what, this is a good opportunity to get back up again and get back in line.
CONTROL
Control...sometimes u have it..other times u loose it..or lack it..
lets just say this word has never had more meaning in my life than
two weeks ago when i had to leave our baby for the first time and head to work..
i felt for the first time what really loosing control means...
i mean...since i got pregnant, i took care of her...then i gave birth and i was directly in touch with her every move or sound..i changed her diapers..i breastfed her...now..i had to leave all that to a woman who really does not feel as strongly as i do about my baby... it is just a job to her...
i found myself asking: will she feed her? will she bath her like i taught her...remembering those tufolds in her feet? will she just leave her in the house and go maroundi'z or will she go beyond just doing her job and take care of her?
Its back to control...i had no control of what happens to my baby when im at work
and that for a first-time mom...that can break u down..
So far..so good...the baby seems well...but there is that thing..that nagging feeling...that everything is not well...its called worry...how i worried...
until one day i chanced upon a gospel artist..one of my favourites might i add..on tv..
yolanda adams...
she was talking about a time when she was on tour and her child back at home was so sick..
like any mom, the thought of dropping everything to be with her child came to mind..
"i need to be there...when im there..everything will be fine" she'd keep telling herself
infact her prayer was "God, take care of my child till i get home..i'll take it from there"
but God told her and i paraphrase " kwani Me im not already here to take care of this child?"
the tune changed at that point...and interestingly it also changed for me
Because you see, u never will be where u want to be and even if u try..something will come in the way...i call it loosing control...God calls it "Let Me handle it"
Infact, life should be about letting go and letting God..
Since that day i leave the house every morning, a little less stressed..
i mean, God of the universe is minding our baby..taking care of her..
who else would be more qualified to care for anyone than God?
Now spin my story to a situation ur struggling to control...
and try God for a change.
lets just say this word has never had more meaning in my life than
two weeks ago when i had to leave our baby for the first time and head to work..
i felt for the first time what really loosing control means...
i mean...since i got pregnant, i took care of her...then i gave birth and i was directly in touch with her every move or sound..i changed her diapers..i breastfed her...now..i had to leave all that to a woman who really does not feel as strongly as i do about my baby... it is just a job to her...
i found myself asking: will she feed her? will she bath her like i taught her...remembering those tufolds in her feet? will she just leave her in the house and go maroundi'z or will she go beyond just doing her job and take care of her?
Its back to control...i had no control of what happens to my baby when im at work
and that for a first-time mom...that can break u down..
So far..so good...the baby seems well...but there is that thing..that nagging feeling...that everything is not well...its called worry...how i worried...
until one day i chanced upon a gospel artist..one of my favourites might i add..on tv..
yolanda adams...
she was talking about a time when she was on tour and her child back at home was so sick..
like any mom, the thought of dropping everything to be with her child came to mind..
"i need to be there...when im there..everything will be fine" she'd keep telling herself
infact her prayer was "God, take care of my child till i get home..i'll take it from there"
but God told her and i paraphrase " kwani Me im not already here to take care of this child?"
the tune changed at that point...and interestingly it also changed for me
Because you see, u never will be where u want to be and even if u try..something will come in the way...i call it loosing control...God calls it "Let Me handle it"
Infact, life should be about letting go and letting God..
Since that day i leave the house every morning, a little less stressed..
i mean, God of the universe is minding our baby..taking care of her..
who else would be more qualified to care for anyone than God?
Now spin my story to a situation ur struggling to control...
and try God for a change.
WOMAN
As i was rushing to work today i encountered a woman giving birth on the street..
That kind of thing stops you dead in your tracks and for five minutes i just could not move or think or do anything..
i just stared..both hands on my cheeks..eyes wild with horror.
I tried to think of something to do...help to give..but i was frozen..
fortunately for that woman...there were lots of women around her helping her with the birthing process..
Then i remembered my own labor process..
It was a clean room in an uptown hospital
with a handful of doctors and nurses at hand...
and here she was..on the dirty street floor...
fighting for her life and that of her child...
i was horrified and then i grew very mad...
that should not happen..not in 2010!!
But then again i asked myself...
what if?
A baby does not give the time when she/he will be making her debut in the world
if she/he decides on the roadside...in the car as your heading to hospital
what do you do? no time for CS..ur too far to make it...
what do you do?
you pray for grace and do the needful..
your babys life depends on this ..
and you may be fortunate to have help around
either way..you have no choice...
We may blame her for not knowing early enough to go to hospital in advance
but with a baby sometimes..you never know...until its time..
its called being a woman.
Then theres another group of women...
those older women who were not afraid to dig in and help
this woman in need
those who threw their handbags aside and knelt on the hard concrete
and played doctor...and in the end delivered her child
theres something inspiring about that kind of courage
steely courage..that delves into danger head-first...
i want to be that kind of woman...
So when you see a woman abused, misused...
tell them about the sacrifices she makes to give life...
God bless women.
That kind of thing stops you dead in your tracks and for five minutes i just could not move or think or do anything..
i just stared..both hands on my cheeks..eyes wild with horror.
I tried to think of something to do...help to give..but i was frozen..
fortunately for that woman...there were lots of women around her helping her with the birthing process..
Then i remembered my own labor process..
It was a clean room in an uptown hospital
with a handful of doctors and nurses at hand...
and here she was..on the dirty street floor...
fighting for her life and that of her child...
i was horrified and then i grew very mad...
that should not happen..not in 2010!!
But then again i asked myself...
what if?
A baby does not give the time when she/he will be making her debut in the world
if she/he decides on the roadside...in the car as your heading to hospital
what do you do? no time for CS..ur too far to make it...
what do you do?
you pray for grace and do the needful..
your babys life depends on this ..
and you may be fortunate to have help around
either way..you have no choice...
We may blame her for not knowing early enough to go to hospital in advance
but with a baby sometimes..you never know...until its time..
its called being a woman.
Then theres another group of women...
those older women who were not afraid to dig in and help
this woman in need
those who threw their handbags aside and knelt on the hard concrete
and played doctor...and in the end delivered her child
theres something inspiring about that kind of courage
steely courage..that delves into danger head-first...
i want to be that kind of woman...
So when you see a woman abused, misused...
tell them about the sacrifices she makes to give life...
God bless women.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
